Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
