Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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