perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
