Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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