I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
even my farts smell like vagina
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
