I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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