So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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