What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
