Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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