Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
