You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
