When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
