On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
