Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
