I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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