Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
