ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
