This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
