these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
