dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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