i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
