He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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