Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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