You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
