Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
