JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
