just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
