Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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