Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
