I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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