I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
