The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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