Yo dont text me then not text me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she smelled like a LAN party
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
