why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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