If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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