Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
