he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
