PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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