How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
