ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
