ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
