I want to make a zoo with you.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
