No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
