I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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