Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
