He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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