i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
