No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
