i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting married
To pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
