He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
